Why is there Maple in the lube drawer?

thiccbitch:

people need to understand that some people just don’t like talking it has nothing to do with u so don’t take it personally like some people just aren’t talkers and they’ll probably never text u first or initiate a conversation and it’s not because they don’t like u it’s just that they don’t think to say anything bc they’re comfortable with not saying anything

celsisus:

When ur hair won’t listen to you and its a mess and ur just like ???? I grew you myself??? I gave you life and this is how you repay me??

Mom?!

ignotum-per-aeque-ignotum:

fandomstuck:

the fact that there are animals who can see colors that i cant which means that there are colors that exist that it is literally impossible for me to envision is such fucking bullshit that i wanna rip open a couch and eat it

Humans have 3 types of rods for processing color (red green and blue). Mantis Shrimp have 16.

So you’re saying a Mantis Shrimp could possibly come up with a Better color pallet for coloring particular characters than my artist wife? Oh I can wait to tease her about this one~

showered-flowers:

have you ever just looked at someone and thought, my fucking god i adore you. i adore every goddamn ounce. i adore your bones and your soul. but I’m a loser, who just doesn’t wanna lose you. i can lose fucking everything, but not you. oh god. not you.

So I went zip-lining with my mom today...
Guide: So it's best to jump off the platform for this line. It's a little lower than the others and if you just step off then you'll probably flip over.
Me: This harness makes me feel like I'm in the Survey Corps
Mom: Megan no.
Guide: Who wants to go first?
Me: *raises hand*
Guide: *attaches harness to zip-line*
Me: *Runs to edge of platform*
Me: *shrieks* SIE SIND DAS ESSEN UND WIR SIND DIE JAGER
Me: *leaps off platform*
Me: *AoT/SnK salute*
Mom: *facepalm*

Quite possibly the best/worst fortune cookie fortune ever.

Quite possibly the best/worst fortune cookie fortune ever.

bloody-dragon:

IF YOU’RE BROKE AS ME BUT STILL WANT TO GROSS PEOPLE OUT ON HALLOWEEN, HERE YA GO.


YOU NEED:

-WATER
-FLOUR
-TOILET PAPER
-SOME DARK EYESHADOW(black, greens and browns)
-SOME RED MAKEUP(lipstick, eyeshadow or whatever)
-FAKE BLOOD
-2 HARD BIG BRUSH, 1 SMALL BRUSH, A MEDIUM SPONDGE(can be found at any hobby store. Take the cheapest you can find).

optional: powder brush and blue food dye.

Be super creative and make really gross wounds. To make it look deeper, just build up layers.
Rice and spaggeti can be used as worms and maggots.

YOU’RE WELCOME.

Blitz means camera flash.

the-road-never-taken-twice:

catgroovin:

mindf4ng:

khdpuppetmaru:

leifal:

niknak79:

The is horrifying. 

what if you were in the shower when it happened

*SRCEAMREGING*

HAHHHHHHHHH NOIIIIIIT NOPE NO OPE NP ENPPE

NO NONONONONONONONOONNOONONONONONONO NONONO
ALL ABOARD THE NOPE TRAIN TO FUCKTHAT VILLE

Burn your house down!

I see this happening to my boyfriend while showering….and then the funeral a couple days later….

radicaljocy:

Remember in the 90’s there used be a room in your house that was called the “computer room”.